What makes a rock solid foundation for a loving, intimate relationship? As the title indicates, Mind Frames and Love Relationships is the topic of the upcoming workshop on Wed., June 20, from 1-3 at the Ashland Library (Guanajuato Room.) This is also the topic of this post. Whether you have attended the Mind Frames workshop before or not, I am sure you will find this article and workshop highly interesting. (The workshop is by donation.)
As many of you know, I have recently been teaching Mind Frames through the OLLI program at SOU. (OLLI stands for the Osher Lifelong Learning Institute, and SOU stands for Southern Oregon University.)
The Mind Frames students at OLLI requested extra time on the topic of Mind Frames and Love Relationships, and hence the upcoming workshop.
Teaching at OLLI was such a wonderful opportunity for me. It was delightful for me to teach these enthusiastic, wise students. Also, what a wonderful opportunity to further develop the materials and then place them in a much more comprehensive book!
Also, it was a great learning experience for me. Joe Timmreck gave me an even deeper understanding of Mind Frames: and one of the OLLI students gave me a very important descriptive word for the main goal of learning Mind Fames: that of tolerance. That one key word to me that is the main benefit of Mind Frames: learning tolerance: tolerance of each other’s differences, whether it’s with just a casual acquaintance, or with someone you are involved with in a long-term, love relationship.
Join me next Wed., then for an even deeper understanding of this and the main topic, Mind Frames and Love Relationships.
Enjoy the article below!
Marnie Hancock & Joe Timmreck.
As a general rule, we are attracted to people who either match our Native Mind Frame, including our native Mode; or in contrast, we are attracted to people who are the opposite of our Native Mind Frame and Mode. (Mind Frame opposites are easy to define: but by Mode opposite, we mean a different Mode from our Native one.)
Also, we generally have very little resistance to these different Mind Frames and Modes. It is almost as if it’s an attraction, in that we can see those qualities missing in ourselves, giving ourselves more completeness.
Whether this is actually true or not is incidental. A long-term relationship with someone who functions primarily from an opposite Mind Frame and Mode is usually the most difficult.
Essentially, each of us tends to impose our own assumptions and expectations of behavior on the other partner based on our own Native Mind Frame and Native Mode.
With regard to pure Mind Frame dynamics, disregarding Modes for the moment, in a relationship where one of the individuals in the relationship is stuck in a Mind Frame, the other partner can be pulled into the stuck mode and become stuck there also; or, they can be thrown into trying to go into the correct Mind Frame (usually the opposite one) to complete the Mind Frame circuit for both. If this occurs, that partner will react in some fashion.
When anger is present in a relationship, this often indicates the partner who is angry is trying either to not get stuck in the stuck state of their partner, or he or she is trying to get out of their partner’s stuck state.
If the partner simply joins into the stuck state they may start to exhibit their partner’s stuck behavior patterns or they may become ill with that stuck Mind Frame’s illnesses. (Surprisingly, if a partner is ill in a relationship, it is usually the other partner who is stuck! What a great out! If you’re ill in a relationship, you can blame it on your partner!)
But all laughing aside, in a relationship between opposite Mind Frames and Modes, a great discord between the partners will occur over a length of time, as no one chooses to stubbornly stay stuck.
Successful, close, intimate and long-term relationships are usually those which have the highest number of matches in both Mind Frames and Modes. Essentially, the feeling of love occurs when these matches are very high.
While in most relationships Mind Frames matches are paramount over Modes, in intimate relationships, Modes become equally if not even more paramount, because over time the individuals involved in the relationship need to be able to communicate in a common Mode, in order to keep the energy and dynamics of the relationship moving forward.
Essentially, once in relationship, relationships last when the two people complete the full Mind Frame circuit (Right Internal, Left Internal, Left External and Right External.) This is what we would term, “a healthy relationship.”
Too, the “Mind Frames Dance” is somewhat of a two-step, in that while a person stays most of the time in their Native Mind Frame, the other Mind Frame the most natural for them is the opposite one. So this would be the best match in a relationship (a similar Native Mind Frame and its opposite, or visa versa .)
Relatedly, the most successful Mind Frame match is when if one partner gets stuck, the other partner is able to match them and then take them to the opposite Mind Frame. (For example, someone who worries too much—a stuck Left Internal—would be most successful in a relationship with someone who makes them laugh. In this way they are being pulled out of Left Internal stuck, and moved over to Right External.)
So, similarities are very important to a long-term, intimate relationship; but some differences are important too.
Ultimately, we are here to learn; hence the differences: but it is good if we can have some enjoyment while doing it; thus the need for similarities.
See, hear and hug you next Wed. at 1! Or, send me an email or give me a call. Marnie Hancock.